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i just need to get this off my chest. chances are, no one will ever read this entry, so i have nothing to worry about. 

i am very lonely. i didn't know it until today at about 2:45pm, when i drove away from my brother's house sobbing uncontrollably. di ko na nga makita yung kalye. lately, laging ganito ang feeling ko. i'm surrounded by people, i laugh, i talk, i make people smile. but inside, my heart is so broken, so lonely. i can't even figure out why. i'm not ungrateful, no. i am very blessed and i never fail to recount as much as i can to remind me. but i am still lonely. i long to talk to someone and just tell them how i wish i could get a hug. just one long hug. or someone to hold my hand and remind me everything will be ok. that everything will fall into place. 

i know i have a ton of friends that i can call on. but i don't want to make that call. nahihiya akong sabihing, "sit with me naman. sobrang lungkot ko lang." siguro nga pride lang rin yun. pero sobrang i just long to have a friend who can see through me and see how sad i am. 

all the people around me have things going on rin naman, kaya nihihiya akong abalahin pa sila. they have things to do, places to go and people to see.

wish ko lang, one day, i'll be on someone's list of people to see, house to visit for no reason at all. yung dadalawin mo lang ako dahil gusto mo akong kamustahin. hindi yung dahil may pagagawa ka, or may hihiramin ka, or you need help with something. just visit ME. ask me how i am doing. 

i want a friend to spend saturday afternoons with. maybe at the mall, or at the nearest coffeeshop. i want someone to make plans with for the evening. kahit anong kalokohan lang. kahit to walk the aisles of the grocery. and i just want a friend. i don't need a lifetime plan, or a promise. i just want a friend. no strings attached. just a true friend.